Andy Borowitz does it again! I can never decide between laughing and crying – he is so funny, but the stuff is so true as to be painful. What is this country coming to? Can we not see what all this partisan bickering is doing? Why can we not decide to do what is in the interests of all of us, instead of what is in our own parochial self-interest. That is what community is about – doing what is in the interest of ALL of us, not just what is best for me! Politicians, being in the OLDEST profession, cater to our fears and our inner hates, and lead us to our worst behaviors. It seems the best in us only comes out when we are attacked from the outside by war or Mother Nature. Right now we are being attacked from the inside by the moneyed class, the corporate elite and the religious right – all playing into our fears and trying to pit us against each other. Where are our better urges? It seems only Andy Borowitz and John Stewart can show us that the Emperor has no clothes.
Exporting Democracy Has Led to Shortages of it in U.S., Experts Say
Wisconsin, Florida Hardest Hit
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – The U.S. policy of exporting democracy abroad has meant that there is very little of it left at home.
That is the grim assessment of a new study commissioned by the University of Minnesota, which predicts that if the U.S. continues to export democracy at its current pace it may completely run out of it at home by the year 2015.
“We have been exporting democracy to Afghanistan and Iraq while there are severe shortages of it in Wisconsin and Florida,” said Professor Davis Logsdon, who supervised the study. “This is madness.”
Citing the study, Speaker of the House John Boehner said today, “It has been clear to me for some time that we must explore alternative forms of government, such as oligarchy or plutocracy.”
Noting that democracy originated in Greece, Mr. Boehner added, “We must reduce our dependence on foreign sources of government.”
The University of Minnesota study contains several proposals, such as outsourcing the U.S. government to the world’s largest democracy, India.
“The work done by Congress could be accomplished much more efficiently by a series of electronic phone prompts,” the study recommends.
But Mr. Boehner warned that eliminating Congress entirely would have disastrous effects: “That would destroy entire sectors of our economy, especially the prostitution industry.”
Speaking from one of the states hardest hit by the democracy shortage, Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker downplayed the seriousness of the problem, calling democracy “overrated.”